Wow, this place gathers dust fast!

So I had a big blog post all written up, a massive tribute to the frigid hell that is winter, and, more specifically, how months of cold weather and grey skies turn me from an already socially awkward mumbler into a full blown five alarm Jack freakin’ Torrance.

It was a helluva rant, a full salvo bitchfest with me at nothing but my angriest and most cynical.  I blamed myself for my writer’s block (rewriter’s block, really), bemoaned my slow pace of creation, and even got angry at my health issues (fought off something nasty for over a month).  Read aloud it sounded like the manifesto of a madman, some backwoods activist sending letter bombs to Grandpa Winter and anyone who enjoyed the months between October and March.

But I decided not to post it.

Not because I didn’t think it was worth reading–it’s actually quite amusing what self righteous ass I can be–but because I simply don’t want to be That Guy who’s always a downer.  I had a bunch of resolutions for 2012, and one of them was Think Happier.

(The others were Write More, Read More, Exercise 4-5 Times a Week, Waste Less/Want Less, and Stay Smoke Free, for what it’s worth)

So, I’m trying to *Think Happier*.

Which works some of the time.

And sometimes not.

The truth is, whenever I write I try to get into my character’s heads.  I try to read what they would, think how they think, immerse myself in their culture, and cultivate a mindset that they would have.  Schizophrenic, sure, but I don’t know of a better way.

The problem with this is that I kind of like writing about pricks.

Not full on jerks–there are enough of those on talk radio–but the kind of person who’s just snarky and cynical enough to find a conflict in every hour, some drama behind every door.  You know the kind.

• They respond to a Facebook message that says: “My grandpa’s sick, please keep him in your thoughts and prayers” with “Prayers don’t work.”
• They brag about winning an internet argument.  Or proving someone wrong.
• They begin sentences with “Actually…”

Every encounter’s a debate, every individual a competitor.  And just because they might in fact be right, it doesn’t make them any less of a total prick.

I like writing about characters like this.  I find them fun, especially their dialogue.  Every conversation has edges.

The thing is, there’s this awful kind of bleedthrough effect that ends out happening where I become, to a degree, my characters.  I start understanding them.  Or at least understanding why they think in such absolutes.  I mirror them, like a baby mirrors the language it hears around it.  It sure makes it easier to write the dialogue when I feel like they’re close by.

This, however, has consequences for my social life.  Like many who spent much of their childhood nose deep in fiction, I’m socially suicidal.  Words don’t come easy, and face to face encounters often turn my tongue to an oiled up Water Weenie.  Ever seen a rat swim?  That’s me in conversation.  Maybe I’m on the spectrum, I don’t know, but interactions are often as awkward as a white people trying to act smooth.

So I not only am I awkward, I’m soured by winter and I’ve become something of a schizophrenic prick.

Someone said something of dubious claim?  Out comes the iPhone for a Friend Fact Check!  Girlfriend wants to go shopping?  Welcome to Andrew’s Non Stop Opinion Marathon–Hurt Feelings are Half Off!  Buddy needs to borrow some money?  Let’s have a discussion about fiscal responsibility!

Things I have actually said:

“You’re a big boy now, manage your money like one.”

“Do you want the truth or would you prefer something that makes you feel good?”

“If you need it, take it and say so.  Don’t pretend that borrow means forever.”

“There’s seven billion people and they all have opinions.  What makes yours special?”

I have yet to have a drink tossed in my face but I’ve come close.  The fact that my wonderful girlfriend still spends time with me is boggling.  Perhaps she’s used to my mental minefield.  I don’t know.

So I’m trying to Think Happier.  To only post about good things, positive things.  To put a little bit back into the universe’s tip jar, not merely kick the thing over and laugh at the people who have to pick up the pennies off the floor.

So here’s what’s awesome:

• FORSAKEN broke even and has gone well into the black.  This is nice because, obviously, this experiment is now profitable and sustaining.  It’s also nice that it continues to get excellent reviews on Amazon.
• My next novel should be finished by spring and is tentatively titled THE LOST COAST.  The cover is pretty kick ass.  Yes it took longer, a lot longer than I thought, but the end is in sight.
• I have 3 other novels outlined, including a series that’ll be a bit of a departure from the supernatural.  I can’t wait to write it.
• And, most awesome of all, I have wonderful readers who have continue to graciously give their time to read my scribblings.  This fact, more than anything else, is humbling.  No matter how snarky and cynical I can get, the fact that people, total strangers, are spending time with my characters and story is beyond humbling.

And that’s something to be happy about indeed.

Now just hurry up and bring the $#%ing spring!